It is not a time to make excuses for our behavior instead, it’s an open door for the wronged person to express themselves. They get the opportunity to express how my actions affected them. Again, in recovery, your words may not mean as much to some people as you wish they would. Understandably, some people may just need more time to learn how to trust you again. In these instances, the best thing you can do is to focus on your behavior and remain faithful to your commitment to live an honest, sober life.
- Ask for forgiveness and be genuine in your intentions.
- If an individual damaged someone else’s home while they were under the influence of drugs or alcohol, direct amends may require that they go to the property owner, apologize and repair damages.
- Instead, as you pursue a life in recovery, focus on being generous with your time and giving back to others.
- Remorseful words like “I’m sorry,” and an 8th & 9th step amends process (in 12-step recovery) can go a long way toward making things right, but neither of these comes close to a living amends.
- I was working so my daughter helped me take care of her dad, she would stay home with him for three days and then cover for me at work for two days so I could be with him on those days and the weekends.
I understand that many people feel/believe differently than I do. If I continue to feel badly about a particular issue, I bring it to God again. Anyway, what DOES help me with regrets/guilt is that I talk to God. And I specifically tell God what I feel bad about and then, I ask God, “if it won’t make heaven any less unimaginably wonderful, let my mother/dad/husband know that I’m really sorry about . We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program.
The Ninth Step Promises
In envisage, I advance natural materials and colors of nature. I light of one’s life the calm design living amends without slick accents. And the options from your article look truly good-looking and stylish.
A living amends is not simply staying alive, and therefor not adding to the pain and suffering already inflicted on those close to you. That could be a part of it, but that is not the whole story. Even so, you will have done all that you can to take responsibility for the past—and there’s a level of peace and freedom in that as well. How the other person chooses to respond to our amends is out of our control. You, at least, have done your best and can now move on. Completing Step 9 is the next step forward in recovery, regardless of how the other person responds. When you make amends, the way you look and feel about situations changes.
Ways to Make Amends in Recovery
Some may notice the change over time and become willing to hear us out, but we have to be okay with the reality that the day when that happens may never come. Again, a https://ecosoberhouse.com/ is for us, it is not for them. We get to enjoy the gift of knowing that we will not make that same mistake again that ruined so many relationships in the past. It doesn’t seem to me that it is possible to make really adequate amends, really to “make up for” the past. I know it risks presumption to guess what’s on the mind of God, but maybe it’s all right to describe the kind of deal it appears to me that He’s offering me. We can’t really make up for the past in the sense of balancing the books. But evidently the deal is that if we do the best we can, and do it directly, we’re all square.
- And in some cases, you may not be able to make direct amends at all.
- Keeping out from behind the wheel such berserk drivers as anger and resentment was part of maintaining daily sobriety.
- It put an end to the tug-of-war for the children’s loyalties.
- But evidently the deal is that if we do the best we can, and do it directly, we’re all square.
- No matter how much we feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with us or hear from us is not part of the Steps.
We gain humility as a result of taking a good look at the damage we did to others and accepting responsibility for it. After acknowledging to ourselves what we’ve done, we take responsibility for making it right. There is nothing quite like experiencing increased humility while making amends in your Ninth Step and recognizing the self-empowerment and self-love that comes with it. Direct Amends– taking personal responsibility for your actions and confronting the person who you would like to reconcile with. Generally speaking, people work through the Steps of Alcohol Anonymous with an addiction treatment counselor and/or sponsor.
Should I Work on Step Eight Alone?
You may not be able to rectify “everything” you’ve done to the other person, but you can repair specific wrongs. Direct amends refers to going directly to the wronged individual, apologizing and taking whatever action is necessary to correct a situation. If an individual damaged someone else’s home while they were under the influence of drugs or alcohol, direct amends may require that they go to the property owner, apologize and repair damages.
As active addicts and alcoholics, we likely lied, cheated, or stole in order to get, use our drug of choice… because addiction creates absolute moral wreckage. I think if we can move beyond the anxiety and dread and despair, there is a promise of something shifting not just culturally, but spiritually, too.
Fulfill your promises.
Jason Wahler is a Host, Actor, TV personality, and philanthropist who appeared on hit shows like MTV’S Laguna Beach, The Hills, and Celebrity Rap Superstar. After years of publicly battling with addiction, he appeared on Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab. In my own experience, nothing seeds cynicism more readily than the withholding of forgiveness — forgiveness of others, of the world, of Father Chance and Mother Circumstance; above all, of oneself. Self-forgiveness is indeed the most potent antidote to cynicism I know. If you stole money from someone or borrowed in excess, arrange to pay back or work off the debt. Avoid initiating a conversation if the other person is distracted or upset by something unrelated.